I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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