Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize