BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
