Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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