Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
