Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize