after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
