Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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