so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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