ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
