3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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