Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
