I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
