Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
