When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
