The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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