Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
