I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
