he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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