dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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