I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
