I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
