i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
