Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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