So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
