Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
