You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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