took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
