He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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