I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
