i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
