yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
