so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
