we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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