The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
