I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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