Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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