goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize