M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize