Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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