I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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