A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
