Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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