let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
