i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
