yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
