Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
