I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
