dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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