Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
