something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
