guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
