my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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