that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Welp...herpes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
