best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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