we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
