I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
