Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
