god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
