my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
