well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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