Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
