is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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