does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
