i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
