I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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